Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Voices in My Head When I Exercise

Don't hurt yourself.

I'm trying to establish a morning routine for myself.  Because I've been spending so much time in the house, and specifically at the computer, I know I need to include some movement, to ward off neck and back problems, to keep my injured ankle flexible and strong, to burn off some stress and keep my mind focussed, to help with sleep.

After much trial and experimentation, I have discovered that the 7 Minute Workout works very well for me.  I find it challenging, and it includes a variety of strength and cardio activities, but no one could ever argue that you couldn't fit it into your schedule, because everyone always has 7 spare minutes, plus having to do a thing for 30 seconds is very doable - 30 seconds is a management projection into time when you're doing something that's causing you pain or discomfort, especially when the narrator says "Halfway there!", so really you only have to exert mental fortitude for 15 seconds, which really should be doable for anyone.

However, I do find myself procrastinating.  Doing everything else in my morning routine except the 7 Minute Workout.  Grabbing my phone and getting lost in Facebook until I'm out of time and have to stop and go to some other appointment.  Sitting down at the computer and going down the job application rabbit hole which can eat up a whole day.

I know I feel better when I get the 7 Minute Workout routine done.  A few weeks ago when I was managing to do it probably three times per week, I felt like my arms, my posture, my legs were starting to be in much better shape.  Strong, maybe even looking better.  I felt that bright clear feeling in your brain that you get when you are getting some cardio in regularly (admittedly, we were also in the final glorious days of summer with bright sun and green grass and blue skies, and many civic activities outdoors, so that may have also played a part).  However, the motivation of thinking how good I'll feel afterward has still not been working to get me to do the routine.

During the blocks, during the mental conversation with myself when I'm thinking of doing the 7 Minute Workout but then deciding not to, if I listen to the voices inside my head, they are warnings of danger.  "Don't hurt yourself."  "Be careful."  "Don't do too much."

This is only a 7 Minute Workout, with activities of 30 seconds each.  Probably the most unfit person in the world, with the worst chronic conditions, would be able to do this workout all the way through without stopping or cheating on any of the exercises, and would be perfectly fine.

But the voices in my head are very concerned that I might die, or do myself some permanent debilitating injury like a head injury, or losing a limb, or some kind of asthma blackout that causes long term brain damage, or a stroke.

The voices are the loudest in my head during an exercise called "Chair Step-Ups", which if my sister ever found out I was doing I'm sure she would make me stop.  In this exercise, you step up on a chair - in my case, a folding metal chair that I bought from Target a few years ago, with fabric padding on the seat.  It's sitting on the carpet in my attic, away from the low gabled roof line and the ceiling fan.  In the exercise, you step up on the chair, then step one foot down on the floor and back up, so you are raising yourself up basically with the thigh of the leg that's still on the chair, then alternating sides, for 30 seconds.  It is fun, and thrilling, because you really are visually up higher in the room, and you got there under your own steam.  It is especially dangerous, because last year I fell on the last step of a staircase, broke my foot just under the ankle bone in three places, was in a cast and crutches for six weeks and a walking boot for three, and frightened to death my sister, who was with me when I fell and too me to the emergency room, and still has nightmares about me falling down the stairs.  When I go to do the Chair Step Ups exercise, I hear her voice in my head, worrying, suggesting that maybe I don't do it.  The chair could be wobbly, or slip off the carpet, or fall over, or just collapse.  I could lose my balance, which would be a fall from a very high height.  I might tangle my feet up, and fall and hit my head, and die, or sustain permanent brain injury, or break something else like my arm or my neck.  All of these thoughts makes the Chair Step Up more thrilling.

And I do feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish it, in fact throughout the 7 Minute Workout. I am doing something scary, and difficult, and surviving it.  The Wall Sit is another one - you spend 30 seconds supporting yourself with your back pressed against a wall, knees bent and legs at a 90 degree angle. This should not be possible, so I am always astonished and proud when I can actually do it, for the whole time.  You feel it, don't get me wrong, in the quads, you start to wobble maybe a bit at the end, but usually I can stay in the position until the workout narrator says "3, 2, 1, complete!"  This should not be possible for a woman as old as I am, and should not be possible for someone as unathletic throughout her life as I am, but it is possible.

The images that inspire me, once I actually start the workout and get going, are the American Ninjas.  They train on crazy tasks like the Salmon Ladder and rope climbs, in home built gyms, and then compete to do their personal best at City competitions and then in the Finals in Las Vegas, which we just watched last week.  They are strong and swift and graceful.  They trust the strength of their limbs to carry them through these tasks.  Many of them say it's fun!  It's adults playing on a giant jungle gym, basically.  They compete with such joy.  The commentary is always just about each participant's personal best, never pitting them against each other.  The rivals all train together and cheer for each other.  The favorites, many of them, were disqualified from falling on one of the first challenges, but in the post-game interviews, they smiled, and said, "Everybody falls."  They trained all year, and it was disappointing, and they disappointed their fans and family members who were there to cheer them on, but they will be back next year.  Everybody falls, and there's nothing wrong with falling, but they still train to achieve their personal best.

When I'm nearing the 30th second of Wall Sitting, I feel like a Ninja.  I am pushing my leg muscles to grow stronger, and support me in this crazy activity that shouldn't be possible, but I am doing it, bravely and with joy and fun, like a Ninja.

There were many stories of marathon people too, recently, because a big local marathon just took place and I had several friends and Facebook acquaintances run in it.  But that seems like something that really is dangerous and silly, I don't have any desire to overcome my fear of running a marathon.  The 7 Minute Workout is enough for me, and makes me feel like a Ninja.  The example of the Ninjas inspires me to ignore or contradict the voices of fear and reluctance in my head, and just do it.  This morning, I did so, and got it done.

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